I wake, feeling as though my neck is broken,

wanting to scream at the top of my lungs,

expressing the pain that is shooting through my body.

This happens





Today I woke up, almost rested

it is nearly 3 pm

the best part of the day

because it is the hottest.


Amazingly, even though the fans are all turned off

the air conditioning vent is also closed tight.


Next, a steaming hot 30 minute shower

non-narcotic "pain relievers" and healthy herbal supplements

and pillows in all the right places.


Now, for a few hours (2-3) I get to finally just relax.

My pain has dropped to a 5 on a 1-10 scale

a rare and astoundingly good day

even though my neck still feels broken

and my elbows are yelling their distress.


I hate the dizziness on top of the vertigo.

But these 3 hours out of every 24 hours, are worth it

to come off a screaming level-10 agony





I can’t help but wonder "Is this really all that can be done for this kind of pain?"


Perhaps it is because I am the gender that routinely gets sub-standard treatment

or maybe it’s my health insurance that gives me a mere 3 hours of semi-normalcy out of every 24.

That’s better than believing that this is what everyone in the U.S.A. can expect for severe, chronic pain.


I don’t "buy" the idea that we, the United States of America, have the "Best Healthcare In the World".

My experience has been that of severe neglect and sub-standard treatment.

And the worst part is, I’m so not alone.